Breakfast today. 4.2 g.

I felt pretty grown up this year. And yesterday. I woke up real early to go to a meeting in Tampa (how grown up is that?!) And when I went out for NYE, I wore something that was dry clean only! Adult, much?

Anyway, my resolutions are: -get more involved in legalisation -travel more (I bought my ticket to the Cannabis Cup for this year!) -continue to not get sick -get into zombie apacolypse shape -smoke more weed!

Gonna go get started on that last one now.

sarabee:

I made this for the world.

Oh my god, yes

(via stonerparty)

Walking down the road in the middle of the night Singing this song to myself: “I will find you, I will find you, I will find you, I will find you.”

The wind goes through my clothing Saying: “I will find you, I will find you, I will find you, I will find you.”

Not even knowing what I’m looking for by walking in the dark. My life is just saying one thing “I will find you, I will find you, I will find you, I will find you.”

Then all of a sudden there was a light I saw my shadow on the ground. I thought a car was coming. I turned around there was no car. It was me revealed in moonlight.

What I find will be found easily. Only when I’m not looking for it. Without looking for the morning in the sunset. And it’s like this; my will to live Hides implied of my heart beating Without looking for fulfillment, just accepting it.

Time has been speeeeeding by me. It’s almost my 22nd birthday and I am both amazed and scared by the amount of things I have done in the last year. I got a job, felt in love, got a raise, moved, got a better job, had my heart broken, started working my second job more, made plans to move again, made a lot of money, spent a lot of money on stupid things, traveled, made new friends, lost old ones, went to and quit culinary school, tried and enjoyed acid way too much, camped, painted, and slept. It’s been crazy. 

Lately all I do is work and sleep. The night shift is awesome but it’s become way too easy for me to sleep all day and then I don’t get to see any of my friends or the sun. Seriously, I had a 4 day stretch of no actual sunlight and when I did see it, I was surprised. 

I’ve put my focus back on gratitude. I try to always be thankful for everything. “I am thankful for the terrible, muggy heat because this is Florida and it’s where I live and I will miss it when I am gone.” “I am thankful for these sore shoulders because they’re sore because I worked at my awesome job all night like a champ.” “I am thankful for this heartache because the love from which is comes was a good one and I am happy for that.” etc. 

I miss being a terrible person because at least then I had a goal to work toward. I became The Person I Wanted To Be and then… nothing. It was good. But now I’m bored and don’t know what else I want. I need to move again. I need to meet new people. I need to reinvent myself again but I can’t until I figure out who I’m going to be.

I love new people because when I meet someone, it’s like my story starts all over again. Or maybe a new story begins. Whichever. New people don’t know the horrible things I’ve done and it’s a chance to be someone completely awesome and wonderful. The high of, “I haven’t let you down yet and I might not ever!” that I can’t experience when I’m with people I have hurt or disappointed is the sort of novelty I seek.

Maybe instead of trying to figure out what I want, I should first rule out those things which I definitely do NOT want (at least not now). 

I have no desire for stability. I don’t want to live anywhere for more than a year at a time. I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want routine or reliability or responsibility. 

—

A few years ago, my friend John and I tried to create our own religion. The only things we required were happiness, freedom, and openness. I achieved it and he fell in love. Then I fell in love and now I’m not sure I understand any of it. But I’m growing. I’m facing fears. I’m learning from mistakes (finally?). 

So, I set forth one day at a time and with gratitude. Hopefully moving in the right direction but knowing that even if I’m not, I’m going to have a good time. 

4-20:

a buffet. 

I used to have this duvet cover.

(via ripthisbong)

Hello, there should be more blogs about dealing with depression when you’re stupid and worthless, so here is a self help blog entry. 

Today’s assignment is simple. Just go out and get on the bus. 

It doesn’t matter which bus. Whichever bus comes next. Get on, and just go. You could ride that bus to the very end, thank the driver, and then walk into the woods and just die. Just lay down right there and wait and wait until you were dead. Who is going to miss you?

Really, think about it. If you went out to the middle of nowhere and just sat down in a ditch and cried by yourself until you were dead, who would be the first person to wonder where you’d gone?

Call them up! Maybe they want to get ice cream?

Whooooa!

(via notstrangebutnotthesame)

alightningrod:

Someone please tell me this exists.

I feel like I’ve had this thought, too. 

drdoodle:

‘Nuf said.